Helping Small Businesses During Pandemic

The news recently of the stay at home order extending to May 30 is hard to take. As a photographer, like all small business owners and freelancers, it's been tough. I had big plans for 2020. In 2018-2019 I took fewer clients during my pregnancy and maternity leave. I was officially relaunching the business with a new website and blog this Spring and then pandemic hit. I grieved for the plans and future I envisioned. I am guessing this isn't the 2020 vision you had either.

How can we help each other? Write reviews, share about other's businesses on your social media and blogs, buy gift certificates, and if a business is open, show up for them, and support the hell out of them!

So here are just a few businesses that I love and are open right now. I will continue to share these lists so please tell me about your business or small businesses you love.

Spilt Milk I often go on and on about how wonderful Molly and Meg. Everything they create is amazing. But today I will just let you drool over the photos. They have adapted to this season better than any business I have seen. Check out their online order system and easy no contact curbside pickup! Also, check out their retail section they carry some groceries and hard to find items! When they hear a need in the community they deliver! Yeast is now available too because it was hard to find. And as of May 6, Publican Bread is back! Spilt Milk Pastry They sell other local goods like Metric Coffee and Rare Bird Preserves.

LIfePath Therapy Associates, LLC This is a tough season and we often need someone to help us navigate these emotions and anxiety. Lifepath Therapy is accepting new clients and offers virtual session options. They have an Instagram now and have been sharing some great content. Check out the recent video by Hannah on their Instagram wonderful advice to parents working from home.

Their beautiful office space was designed by Kristina Bailey Art and Design. If you need some new artwork or a design refresh on your home now that you are spending more time there contact Kristina Bass Bailey!

Addis Cafe The Honey Nutmeg Latte is my favorite latte! Owner Kalki is warm, friendly and the kind of sunshine we all need. And that berry scone! Waffles are delicious too, wouldn't that be a great treat right now?! Currently closed Mondays I believe but otherwise open until 2 pm for carryout orders. Call ahead or order at the counter. She does a good job social distancing and sanitizing. One of the baristas, Kelsey, is making MASKS! Contact her on her Instagram account for local mask orders. https://www.instagram.com/too.by.three She has fun fabrics and both adults and kids. I got a Frozen one, see the lovely selfie of me in it.

So many others I love but hey I have to stop this local love fest at some point :)

There is a full list someone else made with the Oak Park restaurants and check out the Rewards Program too!

Sugar Beet Food Co-op This place has been our place for grocery tranquility. I feel so safe and calm shopping there. Customers required to sanitize upon entering, carts are clean, shields for the cashiers, limited people in-store, senior hours. A lot of this they were some of the first to do. So many local brands here also. http://sugarbeetcoop.squarespace.com/

Alpine Food Shop in Elmwood Park is open for pickup Tues-Sunday. So delicious. They also have deli meat, pasta sauces, potato salad, and other grocery items. https://www.alpinefoodshop.com/

Swati Saxena If you need to sell, buy or rent a home during this time (or ever) she's your girl! She's doing virtual tours. She's an amazing realtor and person. https://www.facebook.com/YourTrustedRealEstateResource/

Geppetto's Toy Box I love this place so much. They have been doing video calls with the owner to shop. They currently use a local carrier service to get amazing toys to you. I don't know for sure but I believe as of May 1st they have curbside pickup again. https://geppettostoybox.com/

The Book Table another wonderful local business I hope stays in our community a long time but also needs our help. As of May 1st they have curbside pickup again. Let's get all the books, journals, magazines, cards, and other goodies we can from them. Think Local first instead of Amazon. Any great book recommendations for me? Currently, I am loving Rachel Hollis. Anyone else doing her Next 90 Days Challenge? https://www.booktable.net/

Lively Athletics I know you all need new workout gear for all the extra running and such right? Okay okay we just all need yoga pants for comfort. HAHA. Lively has those too!

https://www.livelyathletics.com/

The Lantern Haus Have you seen the cute balloons they are doing? What a unique way to celebrate during these times! (if you do this, please let me know! I might have to go on a walk with my camera) They are posting drink recipes too, yum! https://www.thelanternhaus.com/

I know I am forgetting so many more. I will just have to make this a regular thing! Maybe a little shorter next time :)

In addition to the portraits and events that I have become known for in my career, I was quietly following my passion on the side. If you follow me personally or on Instagram: @tinaharle you undoubtedly have heard me rave about local businesses for years. Even when we travel we plan around the best local coffeeshop, bookstore, cafe/restaurant or toy store. We don't use Amazon, seriously. We shop local first as much as possible, then the bigger box stores. And when local businesses close I often cry. So you can imagine this time is anxiety-filled for me too because I love my fellow business owners. We are a community and we must raise each other up. I went into photography because I love telling stories and capturing moments in time. But also because I want to make a difference with my work.

So how can I help you right now? Do you need product photos to sell online? Do you need stock images to have something to post on social media? Do you need portraits of yourself or staff? Maybe some of your staff in masks handing out food and showing your safe practices.

I know times are very tough and you are probably thinking you can't hire a photographer. I hesitated even to mention my photography in this post because it's not about me. But a good friend reminded me recently that I have to fight for my business too with as much passion as I fight for other small businesses. I have to let people know what I do. I wish I was in the position to give away my photography services but I am a business too. I do donate sessions when I can for fundraisers and I photograph for local preschool auction. However, I limit the number of donations each year so I too can stay in business. These are unprecedented times so I am also willing to find creative solutions. I never want the budget to be the reason I can't help your business grow. So let's chat and see what we can come up with for your business. If you have an idea for a collaboration or other ways I can help please let me know. As always I will continue to promote local business and help support this community. We are in this together.

Please note I will be following social distancing guidelines as well as following a current stay at home orders. Since on May 1st the guidelines in Illinois have changed a little I will now be taking clients again. I will be following all the rules, such as maintaining 6+ feet distance, wearing a mask when inside a public place or distance can’t be kept, and taking home as much as possible. I can recommend creative solutions like independently photographing your products in my home or taking portraits out front of your business from a safe distance.

Yes, I am now offering the popular porch photos, or as I like to call them At Home Sessions. I will send out more information soon, but if you are interested please let me know to get on the list.

Oh, If you are interested in a full portrait session you can purchase a gift certificate now and we will book a session as soon as I have the all-clear to be in those spaces. Future portrait sessions make great Mother's Day gifts!

Follow me on Instagram: tinaharle Right now I post a lot about my kids, getting through this season and local businesses.

How to begin

For years I have said I want to write a blog. I want to share what I know about the day to day life of being a stay at home mom, I mean a work from home mom who's trying to find the balance between running a business and being there full time for my kids. Sometimes I lack the confidence to even call myself a business owner or entrepreneur and I think of myself as a freelance photographer instead of business owner because sometimes that seems like less pressure or expectations. I will "take a break," "not market my work," self sabotage, write down my ideas but hold off on following them because that's easy. It's hard to put yourself out there. It's hard to do something that may not see any real rewards or immediate results for quite some time.

I have been given so much encouragement by others. People that tell me how much they love following our adventures with the girls or how they enjoy seeing photos. People that appreciate the advice, tips, recommendations that I direct message, text, comment or tell them. If I just put a little effort and gathered all the messages, comments, posts/captions and such that on a daily basis I am sharing and compile them into blog posts it would have had a huge blog by now.

I can find time to respond to others and to reach out to give advice and recommendations. But somehow writing a blog post seems like such a giant task and I never know quite where to begin. How do I tell my story? I always want to give the background first but I am excited about sharing something else first then writing the intro I get stuck then just don't post anything. I want to plan it out 20 steps ahead...I will talk about traveling with kids, Disney, coffeeshops, our coffeeshop park project, local events, nature, science, exploring with kids, photography, wait but also the struggles, it's tough being a mom and business owner, heck just being a parent is tough.... But I can't say it all in one post and I want too so where do I begin?... Never mind the baby's up and almost time to pick up big sister and oh my I never had lunch. Then months go by.

So enough with the excuses. Here I am writing this first blog post or rather starting again blog post for the (I lost count what number I am on) time with one finger on my cell phone (Which is madness how do we type emails and texts like this all day? ) With a baby sleeping next to me. I haven't showered, stomach is starting to rumble cause it's after noon but it's quiet and I am inspired to finally do the damn thing so here we are.

And I always get stuck deciding/finding what photos to go with the many blog posts I have typed in my notes app--there's some great material in there whenever I die be sure to read those and unsend draft emails sometimes I save there too and my random notebooks/journals. So I am taking this awful unshowered what the hell am I even wearing selfie of me right now in this moment to get this posted. Then I can move on from that awkward how do I begin post because that's it I took that scary first step. I might fall but it's ok.

I recently told a friend "sometimes we have to stop and look back and realize how much we have [and also how far we have come] it's so tough when you're in the thick of it." I don't know where this blog is going to go or become. There's no plan for what posts when or fancy branding or even a good description but hopefully I will look back and realize the humble beginnings.

There are days I get frustrated with our tiny home that still doesn't have photos on the wall or our long list of projects to do or I think about our careers and how much further ahead I wish we were or how the girls are exhausting me and I want a break and the phase seems so long. Then I think back to being nine months pregnant waiting tables and not being able to leave the job because it was our only health insurance and we needed the money because we had no idea how we were going to afford a kid, even buying diapers that first month or two was rough. Or the time I had to drive home with Jon following me jumping the car so many times along the way to drive it to the shop--that I was not even the worse car I owned. The Alero car stories with it's ducktaped window and the boot deserves it's own post some day. Or I think about the difficulty potty training Annabelle (well it was easy when she was ready but waiting for that was tough) or all her little quirks and eating habits and as we are starting all over in that journey with our eight month old (that was a long and fast 8 months)

I try to remember looking at my 6 year old that the journey is filled with so many ups and downs but you will make it through and wonder how fast it went. So this time around I am soaking in the sleeping baby and not stressing even if it means typing a blog with one finger--or currently two thumbs, yeah upgrade! See and to think just 20 minutes ago I was typing with one finger, progress.

Well I wrote this on September 24 and on October 13 (one day after Madeleine turned 9 months) I finally hit publish.

April Snow Helps May Flowers Grow

I am really not sure what April snow brings but we had fun trying to find an uplifting rhyme.  This winter and whatever you want to call this pretend spring is has been long and rough.  So when it snowed on Monday, April 9 I really wanted to just stay in bed under the covers like a hibernating animal and give up.  But I knew I had two options stay warm in bed but feel bad that I am not being a good mom or productive and let the cycle continue or I could get up, bundle up, get out of the house and make memories together.  I was really sick for nearly two months over the winter and I missed almost all of the playing in the snow time.  I was bummed about that especially at the time but it was beyond my control and I tried to let that go.  So when the opportunity for playing in the snow came up in April I knew I should take it.  I am so happy I did, we made some wonderful memories together.  As we were bundling up to go outside and check out the snow, Annabelle said "mom let's have a photo and video shoot!"  So of course we did!  She gets me.  

There was barely enough snow to cover all the grass, but hey there was enough to sled down the little toddler sled hill at Euclid Square Park.

She loves snow angels!  --She also makes sand angels in the summer too. 

I love that she tried to climb the tree in her snow pants! 

"Mom can we play on the playground!?"  But there is snow? Yeah, she thought it would be fun!  It definitely was.

She had so much fun with that shovel.  Glad she thought to bring it with!  I had to dodge flying snow a few times, but we were alone at the park.  Watching the way snow falls when you throw the snow in the air is a great science experiment right?  Learning through play.

She spent a while shoveling snow from the hills and off of slides.  I love that she stopped for a moment to get a portrait.

We were going to walk over to Addis Cafe to get coffee to go but look at those storm clouds!  We made the right choice a few minutes after it started hailing little pellets.  We drove to Addis and spilt waffles so everyone won!

Annabelle had the best advice when it comes to weather about a month ago.  I said something about snow or cold, questioning it in late March--haha if I only knew it would be more weeks of cold.  And her quick response was "It is what it is."  She's wise beyond her years.  Now as the weather continues to be awful and spring feels like it's never getting here I remember her words and try to just embrace whatever weather we are given. I try to make the most of our days even when it's really hard to get off the comfy couch--movie days are good sometimes too.

The Paths of Life are Not One-Way

I feel like I am staring at a bunch of one-way paths for my life and career and I need to choose wisely.  So I stare at them, analyze them, plan out where I think they will go and I just freeze.  

So many notebooks full of dreams and plans.  So many articles read, podcasts listened to, and so much searching for my own answers.  I stare at those paths and I want to know where they go.  I want to peek around the corner and see if they are for me but I can't. Because the paths aren't like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book where you can cheat and flip through to the end and see if that was a wise choice.  Which is really scary because I want to know where the path goes.  But it's also wonderful because the path isn't fixed.  The ending isn't written. That could be even scarier in a sense.  There are infinite possibilities.  

So often we hear about the fear of failure but not many talk about the fear of success.  That is what I suffer from.  I worry that if I pick a path what if I am good at it, what if it goes well, too well.  What if I never get to explore those other paths because I am too successful at this one.  That seems crazy, right?  I thought so too.  I thought this concept was kind of insane and something was wrong with me. Then I started talking to my friends and found I am not alone. Others feel the same way.  --This often happens when we actually share our fears and the tough things we go through. But I know it's easier to just share the good stuff. I often thought I don't want to burden people with the bad stuff, they don't want to hear about that. 

Right now I am staring at these paths and so much is possible, it's exciting, scary and overwhelming.  I feel that once I take those steps down the chosen path that's it, that's the one way I am heading.  But a dear friend of my today helped me see that I still have a choice.  If it goes too fast or gets overwhelming I can take a break.  I can also try a new path.  It is not set in stone.  

Lately, I have been hearing all about knowing my ideal client, sharing my why, defining the vision for a business.  But you know what, as a creative person that is really hard.  We wear many hats as creative entrepreneurs and moms, many of which are always changing.  Yet as business owners we are supposed to be defined and concrete. Life isn't stone so why do we have to have such a concrete definition of our business?

A friend of my asked me "who do you want to be?"  After telling him he sounds like Moana's grandma I responded with I do not know.  

He told me to "be honest with yourself and say the first thought in your mind out loud.  If you get it out, it's easier to figure out."

My unfiltered response was this...

I love being a mom and I want another kid but that isn't happening and it's really fucking hard! 

First I hardly ever curse but at that moment there was no other way I could describe it.  I was in a downward spiral of grief and depression the other day and I am so thankful for him and my other friends that day whose texts and phone calls saved me. 

Life isn't going according to plan. --but does it ever? I thought I had my path chosen.  I was a stay at home mom--I mean work from home, I often forgot that in the first few years of motherhood.  I was always a photographer.  I never stopped working but at times I took steps back.  I didn't market my work or actively try to get new clients. I always had some referrals and repeat clients. And somehow I even had new ones fall in my lap.  For some reason, though I didn't consider myself a working mom.  A colleague of mine noticed I changed my Linkedin profile to reflect my new role as a mom and he too thought I had taken myself out of the game.  I guess in a way I had. 

In my mind, I had a plan.  I had a focus.  I would be a mom and a part-time photographer. I would take only a few clients but my main focus for the first 3 years of my daughter's life would be raising her and spending time together as a family. My husband worked full time and my income was going to be extra money for savings and extra things (like my coffee habit, vacations and home projects). Then around the time she starts preschool, we would have our second child. Then see maybe a few years after that a third or maybe just stop at the two.  After the babies weren't babies anymore and didn't need me as often my part-time photography would turn into full time again.  I would have time for marketing and growing the business. It sounded like a great balance.

I always thought well I am getting older so the third child might depend on my age too.  But in all my thoughts I never thought that the second pregnancy would be tough.  And at first, it wasn't.  A few months after we started trying we got pregnant, right on time. It was a few weeks after she started preschool (we got pregnant the beginning of October 2016).  

Annabelle starting preschool was more emotional than I thought but when I struggled, I found peace knowing that we would have another little one soon.  Except we didn't. I had a blighted ovum.  I will tell my story when I can get through typing it without breaking down in tears--or rather I can work through those tears enough to finish. Basically, it is a miscarriage where the gestational sac develops but the fetus doesn't develop. The word I often thought of to describe it is EMPTY.  That was how I felt too--and sometimes still feel that way. After almost 3 months of dealing with awful pregnancy symptoms while also dealing with pain, uncertainty, anxiety, loneliness, and so many emotions my body finally got the message and on Christmas Eve 2016 officially ended the pregnancy.  Since then I have been trying to heal and we have been trying to try again.  

It has been a very long year and three months and still no good news to report.  There are still days that it comes in waves.  I see a random post that someone is pregnant or someone asks about our future plans for another kid or Annabelle says something or a million other tiny things and it feels like a fresh stab wound.

Those little things remind me that the path of raising another child is closed right now.  I want desperately to jump on that path and run to the joyous moment of meeting our second child and then watching her or him grow.  But I can't-- at least not right now. So I stand frozen unable to choose.  Worried that if I go down one path, if I succeed at that kind of career that I will miss out on that wonderful path of being a full time, fully focused mom again.

That same friend told me "get that hurt out of your way, so you can enjoy the good that's happening for you now." And he's right. Every time I get motivated and think I can move on I feel this secret and this hurt hanging over me. I pause. I wait. I also didn't think I could write honestly on my blog or share my story without sharing this part of who I am. 

It is rare that I will ever post a blog without photos but I don't know what to choose to illustrate these words so for the time being, I think the words are enough.  That was hard enough. Someday I might come back and add some photos but for now, I will move forward and take steps to move along the path. Maybe I will succeed and it will be terrifying and amazing.  But it doesn't mean I have to continue along that path forever and it certainly isn't one way. They connect.  If I find out soon that a new path is open then I can explore that and come back.  Possibilities may not be what we planned or what we saw coming but if we keep moving we will find our way.  

Thank you to all my friends who have been there for me. I need to remember to continue to reach out because each time I do I am amazed by the response.  You are all so wise and kind and mean so much to me! To those reading this that have gone through similar or feel this way too, I want you to know you are not alone.  

Little By Little Inspiration

We were singing Moana songs in the car on the way to preschool on Friday morning.  I told Annabelle that I love the movie Moana.  I think it's funny and inspirational.  

"What does inspirational mean?" she asked me curiously. 

When you become a mom you quickly realize that you will have to define everything.  You have to teach so many things that you kind of take for granted that you even know, simple things like definitions of words and more complex things like how things work or why people act a certain way. As a parent, you get to learn about the world all over again and see it with fresh eyes.  On a daily basis, I have to stop and think how do I explain or define this.  Thankfully sometimes Google rescues me.  Sometimes I say I don't know.  Sometimes I ask what she thinks.  And sometimes I wing it and give the best explanation I can.  Some days I feel like I know nothing about the world and some days I feel I know nothing about myself. 

Being a parent is a journey of self-discovery and hopefully, it is the journey of becoming your best self.  It is inspiring at times. But it can also be frustrating and discouraging.  The biggest thing to remember as a parent is to give yourself grace.  You are not going to have all the answers.  You are not going to always get it right. You do the best you can and that is good enough.  Remember you are enough.  That is something that is often so hard to remember as a parent.  We question and doubt.  Parenting doesn't happen all at once.  You certainly are not going to have all the answers right away--actually, never. You will never have all the answers.  It's okay to say I don't know. It's more than okay to ask for help. We do the best we can and we learn little by little.

So I told her that being inspired is kind of like seeing someone who does something strong, brave or smart and it makes you feel like you could do something great too. It motivates you. (Luckily she didn't ask me to define motivate too. Sometimes I get into a loop of defining words using other new words then just get stumped.)

Without hesitation and very matter of fact, she says "But I can't even move the couch!"   (when we are cleaning we move the couch)

I did not see that response coming.  I giggled.  Then quickly tried to compose myself I didn't think laughing was polite to her very honest response. So I quickly tried to lift her up.  This is as close my response as I remember (I wrote it down shortly after I got home).  

Well yes, you can't move it now but someday you will.  You will get stronger little by little if you work at it.  Just like gymnastics and learning to read you learn a little at a time.  When you started gymnastics you couldn't do much but you worked at it and now you are stronger.  Before you couldn't hold yourself up or balance or do somersaults.  I bet sometimes you see the girls doing cartwheels and flips and think you can't do that or it's so much to learn. 

"Yeah," she says in a small defeated voice. 

But if you keep practicing you will get there.  You are already starting to do cartwheels and balancing better and do flips on the bars now.  You are so much stronger than you were when you started. 

"That's true I can do cartwheels now."

It takes time.  It takes doing it little by little, one step at a time.  Do you think Moana could just sail across the ocean and climb and take on Te Ka?  No, she worked on the island and got stronger as she grew up.  

I could tell she was starting to understand but still in doubt so I continued...

So I was blogging--which is like writing a story but it's online instead of printed in a book.  And in this story, I felt discouraged because the recipe for the neighbor's cake is a little complex and I am not a good baker.  Our neighbor is a good baker because she does it all the time.  She told me that I don't need to make the complicated and difficult recipe to start out with.  I should start with something smaller and simpler, a recipe easier to make.  Then I can practice and work my way up to that cake. I learn it little by little and it gets easier.  

Her first day of her second year of preschool (2017-2018 school year) she was so confident and excited.  She practically ran into the school.

Annabelle mumbled something in agreement.  I could tell she understood more.  She also offered some encouraging words.  I wish I remembered exactly what they were but we were pulling into the car dropoff line for preschool.  She asked if we could have "turkey chicken" a recipe that Jon makes. It's just chicken but at some point, she wouldn't eat chicken if you called it chicken but she would eat turkey.  So one day we said "turkey chicken" and somehow that dish is always called that. It's chicken with a rosemary balsamic glaze (on the side she doesn't eat the glaze so it's literally plain chicken).  

It was quickly our turn in line and the rush to get her out of the car was on. Unbuckled her. "Here is your coat and bag." The teacher whisked her off. I yell "I love you!" as she exits the car, just in time before the door closes.  Just like that our unexpected little life lesson was over almost as quickly as it started.

The car in front of me thankfully took a little while to pull away and I watched her walk with a little more confidence up those stairs with her little backpack that's almost as big as she is.  The Moana song, Where You Are, was still playing. My heart was full. I was overcome with emotion as I had a flashback to dropping her off her first day of preschool.  

Her first day of preschool ever.  September 8, 2016.    Emotional day for me, tough mommy moment.

She is now more than halfway through her second year of preschool.  Soon she will be going off to kindergarten.  Little by little (although it seems much faster) she is growing up.  The song that was playing was the one she asked me to listen to the Moana song from the beginning of the movie.  I asked her if it was the one Moana grows up in. Of course was, Where You Are. 

The lyrics are some of the best...

You may hear a voice inside
And if the voice starts to whisper
To follow the farthest star
Moana, that voice inside is
Who you are

Annabelle, you inspire me every day. You are strong, clever, kind, sweet, honest and funny. I love how much you want to learn, your curiosity and your sense of adventure. You make me a better person. I know I was meant to be your mom. I want you to remember that, come what may, you know the way! Listen to that voice inside you. Someday you will move that couch and so much more. 

Annabelle and me at Chicago beach September 2017.  Photo by Jon Harle.

--I read parts of this post to Annabelle she corrected me and said she can move the couch.  She also thinks on Friday she said she could move the couch.  Although that doesn't make sense in our conversation, so not sure if she is changing it after the fact or if I heard her incorrectly.  In any case, she can, in fact, move the couch now.

Annabelle showing off she CAN move the couch.  February 26, 2018

Surviving Long Winters in Chicago

It's February in Chicago and winter feels like it's never ending.  You are probably cursing that groundhog, questioning why you live here, dreaming of getting on a plane and going somewhere warm or maybe all of the above.  I usually try to calculate through the entire month of February if I can just get in the car and drive until I get to the ocean or at least warm weather.  However usually one of us (or all of us) are hit with some sickness and getting away for a long weekend doesn't work out.  So we have to find a way to survive the winter and try to keep our sanity.  I still haven't figured out a way to keep healthy all winter--please send tips and juice!

We are blessed in Chicago area that there is so much to do every season so before you book your tickets and fly away for the rest of winter (take me with you!) here's some ideas to make winter enjoyable until Spring is here to stay. 

Enjoy Nature Inside and Feel the Warmth

My advice anytime some one is feeling the winter blues is GET TO THE CONSERVATORY ASAP!  There is no better feeling in the middle of winter than walking into a little bit of tropical (or desert) paradise.  When I need a pick me up and need to feel that warmth again I head over to Oak Park Conservatory (luckily I live just a couple blocks away!)

If I have a little more time I head to Garfield Park Conservatory.  I could go on and on all day about these two wonderful places, how much I love them and the wonderful events and experiences we have had there however they really need entire posts dedicated to each of them.  I will publish those in the next couple months and update this post when I do.  In the meantime here's just a few of the probably thousands of photos I have at each of them and extremely quick details on each. 

There are 3 main rooms at Oak Park Conservatory. This front room changes with the seasons.  The largest room is a tropical fern room and the other is a desert room.  There is now also an outdoor play area check it out when the weather is good.

There are so many flowers and plants to discover at Oak Park Conservatory. 

Be sure to stop at the desk and ask for the little explorer bags at Oak Park Conservatory.  They contain binoculars, measuring tape, magnify glass and markers.  Also pickup a clipboard with paper and a scavenger hunt sheet.  So much fun, learning and exploring for the littles--and adults too.

Mark your calendars for March 4, 2018 for my favorite annual even in Oak Park, Kids Fest at Oak Park Conservatory celebrating George the parrot's birthday.  There is usually some fun crafts, some special exhibit often live animals or insects, singing Happy Birthday to George and of course all the wonderful plants at the conservatory.  I will hopefully share more before then but mark your calendars!  Here's the group craft project from Kids Fest 2016.

Sunshine shines during the 2018 Spring Flower Show at Garfield Park Conservatory.  The show Hashtag: No Filter is in bloom until Mother's Day.

Thanks Jon for take a mommy and daughter photo at Garfield Park Conservatory spring show 2017.  It is great to be in front of the camera sometimes. 

"Go Cubs Go! Hey Chicago what do you say the CUBS (not Pirates Annabelle) are gonna win today!"

Spring Show at Garfield Park Conservatory 2017.  I can't wait to see the tulips bloom in this years show.  I wonder what colors they will be this year.

Sometimes Mickey gets to Adventure with us at Garfield Park Conservatory.  I love the Desert room.  The lighting is the best, temperature is usually just right and it's often really quiet in this part of the conservatory.  Also look really close you might find a Mickey shaped cactus.  Ok they call it Bunny Ears. It looks like it has fuzzy dots on it.  But don't touch, if you look close those little dots contain a lot of little needles!

There is so much to explore at Garfield Park Conservatory.  Kids will love the Children's Garden.  It even has a big tunnel slide, worth the climb.

I often forget about Lincoln Park Conservatory because it's not as convenient for me to get to especially in winter.  If you are in the Lincoln Park area you must check it out.  Also in Lincoln Park check out Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum. It's a museum about nature but there is also a butterfly house and lots of windows to let in sunlight. Are there other local conservatories am I overlooking or are worth a drive? 

Bring the Outside In

Grow something.  Literally.  Get your hands dirty and start your seeds.  I am going to have to refer to my gardener friends on this one.  So where are you raise those green thumbs high so I can see them.  When can we start seeds?  Soon right? I know it depends on what we are growing, but what if we haven't got a clue.  What is a great set of seeds to start that you know people like me can't kill easily.  Anyone have recommendations for a couple veggies, herbs and a few flowers.  Every year I say I am going to get seeds started inside and it doesn't happen.  Some years I buy the packs of seeds, the dirt and all the supplies--or collect egg cartons or other cute seed starters I found on Pinterest.  Oh Pinterest I love and hate you. But then I stare at them clueless.  One year (or two) I let Annabelle "plant" the seeds and they did well at first.  But then when I moved them outside some critter ate them all.   My money is on those squirrels who have destroyed so many things in our yard.  Well my garden and farmer friends please help! 

She is seems so small here.  This was Spring of 2015, hard to believe how fast 3 years has gone.  

I didn't get this photo until the roses were about a week after her birthday but they still looked great.

I also love to buy plants or fresh flowers in the winter or receive them as gifts-hint hint my wonderful husband.  Flowers around the house just brighten it up.  I keep telling my husband that when we have fresh flowers it makes me want to clear the clutter and keep the place cleaner.  However I do not think he believes this philosophy or he doesn't get the hint.  He did buy flowers for Annabelle for her birthday. Such a sweet dad! She loved them.  (I did too,  And for the record the place was pretty clean the whole time they were on our table.) 

You know this blog would be a lot better with another flower photo on it so maybe I should go get myself a bouquet from one of the local florist I drool over on Instagram.  You know for "research purposes" or "for work." 

Here's some of my favorite local florist instagram feeds: 

@flowersfordreams 

@fieldandflorist

@fleurinc

So what do you think should I go get a bouquet, so I can photograph it? ;)

That excuse has totally worked before when I wanted pie from Spilt Milk.  I had to get pumpkin pie to take a new photo for International Pumpkin Day.  I needed something to post and of course I celebrate Pumpkin Day!

I also HAD to get the pumpkin bread with maple glaze from Split Milk because it was International Pumpkin Day and it completed the photo.  It was delicious.  

Get Creative

I know it's the end of winter and if you are like me the only you are feeling creative about is how you can make your comfy pants pass for real pants or see how many days you can go without leaving the house.  It takes SO much energy to get those creative juices flowing in the winter time.  It's especially hard when being creative is your job suddenly making anything that could resemble art feels like so much work.  Looking at my notes for this helpful idea makes me laugh now. 

"1. Make Crafts - Valentine's"  HAHA no I am not some craft mom that does some cute pinterest worthy crafts with my daughter.  My idea this year for her to make valentine's day cards was pretty old school and simple.  Red and pink construction paper cut out hearts. Buy heart/love stickers, shimmery/glitter pins and glitter---I know I totally regret that last one.  Sorry other parents in the class I am sure you cursed my name when your kid opened the envelope and glitter flew out.  It wasn't like the cute Trolls shooting glitter everywhere either.  It's probably still all over your house--trust me you haven't seen mine.  My husband wasn't too happy either.  But she sure had fun making them!  This craft however did not help me survive winter it made it seem even longer.  So depending on how much you value a little peace and quiet now vs extra clean-up later crafts (unless you are that crafty mom) might not be a good recommendation.

Baking is messy work but fun.

"2.  Make Some Food"  This is more laughable than the first one.  Me making food is like the mom version of crafts with glitter.  I am not the type of baker or chef to clean as I go.  I actually really like cooking and making things.  But the trail of flour, chopped vegetables or spices--because you have to give them that thrown dash into the pot/bowl--seriously it tastes better that way, all over the kitchen isn't really my idea of fun.  I love my neighbor Emily she is always making the most amazing dishes AND she will surprise me and drop them off at my house.  Seriously you guys I won the neighbor lottery--NEVER moving!  (I can't cook but I help her out with coffee) I don't know how she does it. Seriously where do I even find xanthan gum for this amazing recipe that my daughter calls "the neighbor's cake"?  Some day I will find the time to try it myself.  Although I can already see my tiny kitchen covered in cinnamon crumb topping.

So this suggestion is going so well isn't it?  Well getting creative is a great way to get through the winter.  Writing in a journal, making art, writing a hand written note/card or any other ways (seriously cooking and baking are wonderful) that you can create something it makes you feel a sense of joy and accomplishment.  

Embrace it

Is it Spring yet?  This blog is longer than I thought it would be, maybe it's now spring. Nope still not yet.  Fine.  So there are some things that are good about winter. 

Soak up the snow --and I say this holding my breath hoping for no more snow this winter but it's only February and it's Chicago so not sure odds are in our favor. If it does snow again embrace it. It is beautiful.  Get outside! Take some photos.  Go sledding.  Build a snowman. Make snow angels.  Drink hot chocolate.  

She's dressed up in her fancy Cinderella dress, holding my hand, while we cuddle on the couch watching Moana.  

Take advantage of extra time indoors.  Relax! It is totally okay in winter to cuddle up and watch a few extra movies.  I hated being sick for the last couple weeks but it really forced me to slow down.  Annabelle and I got in some extra cuddle time and watched Moana a few times.  Moana is my favorite movie! Disney got everything right with that one. Singing the songs and seeing strong Moana makes you thing you can accomplish so much if you try and don't give up.  A great movie to watch in the depths of winter!  I also started tackling things I have been putting off, like hitting publish on blog posts.  I also have been slowly going through my photo archive and getting it in order.  It's a large and overwhelming task that makes winter seem way too short. 

There are many indoor places to explore too especially the wonderful museums, many of which are free in February.  However I will save that for another day or it really will be spring before this is published.  How do you survive winter in Chicago?  Please send me your tips to staying healthy and finding joy when winter seems so long. In the meantime I will be complaining about that silly groundhog and dreaming of being back in Walt Disney World and I may or may not be doing so in my comfy pants.

"But First Coffee..."

Today (and by that I mean January 30 when I first wrote this) I was at Addis Cafe and ran into a friend who was trying the coffeeshop for the first time. She was just telling her friend that she was checking out the coffeeshop because I am always posting about it (in my Instagram stories and feed). I was so excited that sharing my love of this local place helped bring in a new customer--and new fan. She said the coffee and waffles were perfect. I am happy she had an enjoyable meal and coffee. It feels so good to share new places we discover and our favorites. This is one of the reasons that I am finally following through on this blog.

Photo of me and Annabelle in the Grand Floridian before our Princess Character Dining dinner at 1900 Park Fare.  We loved meeting Cinderella, Prince Charming, the Stepsisters and StepMother (note characters are different at this location at Breakfast and Lunch). Photo by Jon Harle (thanks love for this!)

Also today I received a text from another friend saying she loves the photos of Disney and what was the name of that character dining place again she was recommending it to a friend. I realize what many have been trying to tell me. I have information and experiences that people are interested in. It is time to put the planning into action. 

I struggled with how to start this. I tried to plan it out. Wrote a reintroduction about five times. (maybe more) I often try to do too much. (Applies to other areas of my life too) I want to tell it all in one post, I want it to be perfect. A good friend of mine, Emily, reminded me to keep it simple not everything has to be a long post.

On January 24 another local photographer Joey @littlebittyproductions posted a photo with the quote, "Just Do the Damn Thing."  I immediately felt a sense of guilt and also inspiration.  It was like she was talking to ME!  I began working on getting my act together and planning to relaunch this blog.  --And by beginning I mean continuing the planning I have been doing for the last year or two but kept holding back from actually publishing.  

If you have followed me on Instagram or Facebook for the last couple years you know I basically run on coffee and that I have a great love of local coffeeshops.  So it is only fitting to start there.  My daughter and I have been working on a little side project for the last few years CoffeeShop Park.  --More on that officially later but in the meantime you can follow #coffeeshoppark on Instagram for a sneak peek.

S'mores Latte (seasonal) at Addis Cafe in Oak Park.  Photo by Tina Harle

Addis Cafe in Oak Park is my current favorite Oak Park area coffee shop.  You will find me there several times a week.  I love to edit my photography, meet with friends and just relax there especially in those couple hours a day I get while my daughter is in preschool.  Annabelle calls this "the coffee waffle place"  because well that's the two main things they are known for.  Oh my do they do both of these right!  

Love sipping Honey Nutmeg Lattes while I edit photos at Addis Cafe 

I promised to keep this brief and simple (see so tough for me!) so while I could go on all day about my love for Addis Cafe I am going to give you my Top 5 favorites! --Yes that's a High Fidelity reference.  If you do not know what I am talking about please go watch that movie right now! (well finish this blog, grab some coffee then snuggle up and watch it)

Tina's Top 5 things she loves about Addis Cafe

1. Honey Nutmeg Latte.  One of the best lattes I have ever had.  It's perfectly spiced and not too sweet.  This has been my go to drink since I first tried it.  I have mine with almond milk cause me and regular milk are not best friends anymore. The almond milk does complement the drink.

2. The 206 Special--Mixed Berry Compote waffles with whip cream. Oh my they do this one right!  The berry compote is sweet from the berries but doesn't have that artifical or too sweet syrup like flavor because it's made from real berries and homemade.  Best berry compote I have ever had.  See a close number 3.

3. Berry Compote Scone this is a new addition to the menu this winter and oh my it's delicious.  When I want to eat all that berry compote but not have a full waffle this hits the spot for sure.  Just look at it...

Cherry Scone with Berry Compote.  Photo by Tina Harle

4. Okay ALL the waffles.  It's really hard to pick one.  The Gusto with nutella, bananas, almonds and whip cream has been my favorite for a long time.  The savory waffle with sun dried tomatoes, avocado and spicy (yet mild) sauce--oh and cheese.  It is a perfect balance of sweet, spice, and savory.  I haven't tried the others because they are so good I have a hard time deciding as it is.  But I have no doubt that they are all amazing!  Annabelle loves one with just nutella and whip cream (a modified Gusto) and I ask for an extra plate for us to split.  She just loves licking the nutella out of the little waffle holes, eating the whip cream with a spoon then making a huge mess picking the rest up.  Some day she will use a fork, right?  Until then I giggle at the big adorable mess she makes.

Gusto waffles (Nutella, bananas, almonds and whip cream) and Turmeric Latte Addis Cafe.  Photo by Tina Harle

5.  Turmeric Latte (again with almond milk) This is slowly making it's way into the number 1 spot especially in the winter months.  Turmeric I hear has nutritional benefits which is a bonus.  But this spice that is in the ginger family has a little kick to it that I just love.

How are we already at the end of the list?  There are so many things I didn't mention.  One of the best parts of Addis Cafe is that it is such a neighborhood place. The owner lives in the area. She can be seen in the cafe with her friendly smile. She knows you and your order after only a couple times. This is in walking distance from my house--in good weather of course.

I will share with you more of our local favorite places (of course includes coffeeshops), our travels and my photography.  Wow I did it, published, actually blogged again.  Please tell me what you want to see more of to help me decide what to post next.  

"Moments of Impact" Artwork by Ben Harle

The measure of any great art is if it makes an impact on you. Does it move you? Does it make you think? Do you walk away from the piece and think about it again?

Well it's been about a week and a half since we saw Ben Harle's artwork at the Nelson-Atkins Museum in Kansas City and I am still thinking about it! The installation piece entitled "Moments of Impact" definitely had an effect on me but especially made a lasting impression on my three year old daughter.

Before I give my thoughts and experience about our visit I must say if you are in or near Kansas City this weekend GET TO THE NELSON-ATKINS MUSEUM! It's a FREE Museum! Seriously get there and see this group art exhibit, Unconventional Clay before it's too late. The show closes June 12th.

If you plan to see it hop over to the Nelson-Atkins Museum website for more details and then come back and read the rest of this later. I don't want to spoil the surprise. I love to take in art unfiltered with no expectations.  So if you are planning on seeing this amazing artwork pause here.  If you have seen it or sadly it has already left then please read on for my thoughts and experience.

I first met Ben Harle when he was only 15 years old.  I had just begun dating his older brother, Jon, who is now my husband. I have been so lucky to watch Ben and his artwork grow.  It is truly amazing how far he has come.  Ben was talented even back in high school but his latest piece is so smart and creative on so many levels I can not stop thinking about it.

When we first heard that Ben was going to have a piece at the Nelson-Atkins Museum in Kansas City we knew we had to find some way to attend. It wasn't easy and our trip was much shorter than I had originally wanted. However I am so happy that we got to see and experience his "Moments of Impact" installation. Being a photographer and having gone to art school I understood it is a high honor to exhibit at a museum such as Nelson-Atkins.  There are so many artists that will never have a piece in a museum of this level, however after seeing Ben Harle's work I know this will not be the last time his work will be seen in the halls of great museums.

When we first walked in the four video screens and the colorful lights highlighting the ceramic column drew us in to that peaceful corner of the Unconventional Clay exhibit.  As we arrived there was a couple in front of Ben's piece debating what it meant to them.  It was so interesting to hear others discussing his work.  We chatted at a distance from them for a couple minutes. Ben gave us a few of his thoughts on the piece and we took it all in for the first time.  The gentlemen heard us and said excitedly "Are you related to the artist?!"  I wanted to scream "YES!  He's my brother-in-law Ben, I am so proud! And he's standing right here!"  Luckily though I was rendered speechless.  Jon spoke up and calmly in a less embarrassing way said "he's right here."  I felt like we were with a celebrity because well we kind of were.  Being able to view artwork with the artist is a very special experience.  Ben talked with the gentlemen and discussed a little bit about his intentions.

Ben Harle's artist statement (below) and his video about his process can explain it much better than I could put into words.

"I believe our lives are shaped by specific moments of impact. Instances that alter our perspective of the world can occur in one second of time. I’m interested in translating these moments to the gallery or museum through installation and video.

Properly fired ceramic will last forever. The object may shatter but the material is nearly impossible to decompose. Leaving clay unfired allows water to naturally weaken and eventually deconstruct the form. It is nearly impossible to predict exactly when the clay forms will collapse.

In the same sense, it is impossible to know when specific moments of impact will change our lives forever. My studio practice is an extended attempt to uncover my own relationship to these moments of unpredictability."

To see and learn more about his work visit his website

One thing I love about art is that it is subjective, there is no right or wrong experience or feeling about it.  As I said I have watched Ben Harle's artwork and thoughts mature and grow from seemingly simple ceramic pots in high school to complex and thought provoking installations.  I love this latest piece for so many reasons, some I might not be able to express in words, but here is my attempt to describe my experience with the artwork.

Photo by Tina Harle 2016

The four video screens show different parts of the ceramic making process.  This was so fascinating to watch!  We love seeing how things work. It was exciting to see what would happen next and just how and when the clay pieces would crack and fall.

Our three-year-old daughter could not take her eyes off of Uncle Ben's artwork.  She loved watching the different screens and seeing him mold the clay, the water slowly fall on to the clay, the changes it made to the clay and of course the way the clay broke apart and fell exposing the blue light behind. (Her favorite colors currently are blue, pink and black.  You have to say all three together and in order.)

I love how engaged she is with the art. Even in her body language you can see her taking it all in.

For a couple days after we left the museum she talked about the process and would go on and on about it.  "The water came out of the teeny tiny holes" she would say describing one of the stages of the piece where the broken pieces of the clay lay in a sink with water that slowly filled the sink and the clay got wet and lost its shape.  She also took so long going to bed that night because she kept asking "what happened next?" as we recounted over and over all the steps in the process of making and also destroying the clay pieces.

I think we could have watched the video all day but we decided it was time to step away from it after we had watched most of the hour and twenty minute loop and when a security guard came over and told us we couldn't have a toddler on Ben's shoulders.  Well at least we got some adorable pictures first.

She could not take her eyes off of the artwork. She just wanted to see what happened next and learn all about the process.

I did not take many photos.  In fact I took only one or two on my big camera, all the photos I quickly snapped were on my cell phone.  I wanted to document the art because I am a photographer. But more importantly I wanted to experience the art and take it all in.  I was pleasantly amazed at how drawn to the art our daughter was.

My heart was so full that day in many ways.  I was so proud to be standing in that wonderful museum and seeing the label with Ben Harle's name on it while staring at his thought provoking piece.  I was also moved watching my daughter experience an art museum and artwork up close for the first time.  How special this was that her first art museum experience was to see her uncle's artwork.  Seeing how much of an impression it made on her was even more moving. Listening to Ben talk to viewers of his work including us, sharing moments with his brother and interacting with his niece all while standing in front of something beautiful he created made me so happy I wanted to cry.

Loved seeing Ben's name on the wall.

In the days since viewing "Moments of Impact" I have been moved to tears thinking about every part of the piece and different meanings of it.  There are so many layers and can mean so many different things to each person personally. Like any great work the interpretation can change at different times too.  The more I think about it the more I see within it.

I am not an art critic and while I have a Bachelor in Fine Arts degree in Photography I do not claim to be any kind of art expert.  So the ideas expressed here are my personal opinions and experience with the work.  I encourage everyone if they have a chance in next few days see it in person to form your own ideas and check out Ben Harle's website and social media feeds in the future.

When viewing the ceramic installation "Moments of Impact" by Ben Harle I thought about all that is fragile and ever changing in life.  His piece could be a metaphor for everything about life and relationships.  As a mom I thought about how a baby and child grows and changes.  Children move through different stages of life and how they interact with the world changes, often quite rapidly.

About a month or two ago my three-year-old was having a really tough time with everything.  Being three is really hard, so many changes going from the baby/toddler stage where everything is done for you to a more grown up kid doing so much on your own.  I can not image the emotions that comes with this struggle.  One day we talked about it and she broke down and told me through tears "I don't want anything to change!"  Those words cut deep. I felt her pain. I knew just what she meant, sometimes you just don't want things to change, you want children to stay little, hold them a little longer, and freeze time.  One of the things I love about photography is the ability to freeze just a tiny fraction of time, to hold it in your hands and to remember it.

However all things change.  Sometimes the changes happens slowly like the slow dripping water on Ben's clay pieces that changes the form slowly.  Sometimes change happens so rapidly like a crack that forms and then breaks and falls with a crash.  As Ben said you don't know when it's going to happen, you don't know if it will be fast or slow but you know an inevitable change will happen.  Almost nothing in life stays the same forever.

Like his clay when children, relationships or life changes something new or different is created.  Sometimes, in fact often, changes are for the better. It can be sad to let go, sad to move on, but we grow and with each new part of life there is different wonderful creation.  Some changes leave a lasting impact on us, like his fired ceramic pieces, changing our lives in a way that can not be forgotten.  We do not know what moments big or small will impact and change our lives and that is the scary yet beautiful part of life.

As a parent these thoughts of unpredictability are even more scary because we are responsible for another life. We help mold and shape our children, as do all the people in their life, and we can not predict what moments will impact them or change them. All we can do is be there to pick up the pieces when they--or anyone in our lives--breaks (for better or worse), when they go through changes, and hold them or help them pick up the pieces as they begin the next stage of life or different form of themselves.

There have been so many big and small "moments of impact" in my life that I could have related to with the artwork but none has made a more lasting impact than becoming a mother.  Like the fired ceramic being a mother and the love for my child is permanent and lasts forever.  I tell my daughter often that "everything in life changes but the one thing that will never change is my love for you."

Thank you Ben for welcoming us to Kansas City, for showing us some wonderful places and for sharing your artwork with us. Your work made an impression on all of us.  We look forward to seeing what you come up with next.

Playing with the Aerobie in a park next the Plaza in Kansas City on a beautiful spring day.

Photos From The Hard Drive

I was speaking with my friend, Terence Guider, this evening and something I have heard often came up.  "You are a better photographer than you give yourself credit for."  I have heard this about myself from many others throughout my life.  I also had a recent conversation with some people I went to high school with and it was amazing how we all viewed ourselves so differently than others did in high school, and even still today.  One person said their dream job was to be a drummer, the "cool drummer" (as we kept saying he was) didn't quite see it as so amazing.  He thought it as not quite so glamorous.It intrigues me how different our perception of ourselves and what other see in is truly is.  This is an idea I will explore many more times in conversations and hopefully in future blog posts.  There is so much we all have in common. But this idea is an in depth one and one for another time.  Today this post is about not over thinking and just doing it. Someone told me in that same night, Wednesday, May 11th, that I was now "a big shot photographer" but I brushed it off saying no. They had to look me in the eye and assert YES! before I was like okay maybe it's a cool job and I am alright at it. See again "selling myself short" as my husband always tells me when talking about careers and my abilities.  I am also a horrible editor of my own work.  This is a problem I have had since college--and I imagine probably before that too.  Terence, John H. White (my photojournalism professor) and others would literally yell at me for not showing at first some of my what they said was my best work.  I was often (and still am) accused of hoarded or hiding photos. Terence told me tonight he was "going to steal my hard drive" (to see what images I was hiding from the world).  I laughed quite loudly cause he knew without even knowing anything I have photographed lately or if I had been photographing that there were indeed many photos I haven't shared with the world. Some times I am just simply really busy.  I deliver the photos and edit photos for my clients.  If you have been one of my clients you know just how many photos I deliver--often because I can't choose the best ones and I know that so I give them the choice. However outside of client photos which I usually only share with them and the occasional photo here and there of my daughter or us I rarely post the wonderful photographs I am taking.

I over think the photos and the posts, I want to write the whole story behind the image yet never find the time to do so often because I am out taking more images and living life, I over analyze, I question myself and I try to make the image just right or I am frustrated that it isn't just right as I saw it.  So I hold on to the photos and there they sits sadly on my hard drive.  I realized watching my daughter and being frustrated with her perfectionist personality and ways that I am so much like her.  I never would have thought that was me.  To myself I feel like I am always a mess: hair never quite in place, always spilling things on myself, seemingly always late or behind or not getting as much done as I wanted.  However when it comes to photography and a few other aspects of my life I am definitely the perfectionist personality.  That is hard and frustrating.  People sometimes think of perfectionism as a positive thing wanting to get things right and done well, but that's not always the case.  Over thinking and having a dream or ideal doesn't always make you go for the goal sometimes it can actually hold you back, make you think your work is not good enough or ready to show or simply believe not as talented as others know you are.

I don't know if that's the reason I hold myself back, I hold my photos hostage on my hard drive or if there is something else going on inside my head.  What I do know is that I want to share my photos and I want to teach my daughter that it's okay to try and to show work that maybe you don't think is the best--cause you know what maybe you are just being too hard on yourself.  We are always our own worst critics and boy do I know this to be true.  However I can't watch her be that way, I want to teach her not to be hard on herself.  So I am going to push myself to put more out there.  Even if I think a photo could have been better, or it isn't quite my best work, I need to share it.  I need to listen to others when they say good things.  And if they say bad things I need to grow and learn from that too, but not allow it to change my confidence.

I had a creative writing teacher in high school with a grading system that drove me crazy but I realize now how smart it was. --Wow I am breaking down (literally tears) writing this because I finally realize the lesson from almost 20 years ago!  She would grade all our papers on a scale of 25 but the highest she would ever give us, and she was honest to us about this, was a 24. She told us that no piece of writing is ever perfect.  Writing is an art form. Every piece could be better, it's subjective, it would never be perfect. Even the greatest pieces in history received criticism.  But a 24 out of 25 meant it was publishable and that was wonderful.

John H. White is a very inspirational teacher and he used to tell us often, "you can't publish an excuse."  He meant no matter what happens, no matter what obstacles get in your way--including the doubts in your own head, make a photograph. And so I do. I make photographs every day.  Sometimes they are with my fancy big camera, sometimes they are with a cell phone and sometimes they are as he says with "the camera of my heart."  Some days I push myself to make an artistic photo, some days I just get quick snaps to remember what we did that day, but every day I am taking photos.  I need to be better about publishing them.

So without further ado here are some photos from my hard drives that for one reason or another I was holding back...

I hope to make this a regular group of posts.  I need to push myself to once in a while go through my hard drives and look.  Don't think about it, don't make a huge fuss, edit or explanation, just share some simple photos.  Please everyone hold me to it so Terence doesn't come steal my hard drives.

I wish for you to have the best day of your life

Some of the best days of our lives are the ones filled with wonderful tiny ordinary moments. April 24, 2016 was a great day! It started off like so many others, the ho hum morning routine. Wake up, make breakfast, clean up, get ready, pack the bag. You all probably know the drill. Getting a toddler ready and out of the house relatively on time by myself is never easy for me. However we didn't rush and allowed enough time.  It was a beautiful day, sun was shining, spring flowers in bloom, and temperatures were in the mid 70s to low 80s. I had hopes of going to the park with my three year old daughter, Annabelle, in the morning before we left but that didn't happen. My daughter and I did get a few minutes to play in the backyard and admire our beautiful tulips and play for a few minutes before we left. We drove an hour to met my mom, sisters, aunt and my husband (who was out there for a soccer game as a ref). We had brunch at this wonderful place, Benedict's Eggs and More in Dundee. I can't believe we just discovered this place a couple weeks before! It's a few minutes from my mom's house where I grew up and it is just my kind of place. (I will gush about it later in another post)

After brunch I headed over to nearby Sleepy Hollow for a portrait session. I often let me clients pick the locations for their portrait sessions. I travel all over Chicago and the suburbs (even sometimes Indiana and Iowa too) so I trust that my clients know some of the local spots. Also many times they will have locations that are significant to them like their home, a favorite park, place they go together.  I do have some of my own favorite places too. However I love exploring the new places too and love how it pushes me creatively.

My friend Johanna picked Sabatino Park or as she told me Sleepy Hollow Park, which I basically understood. I was so excited for the spring portrait session, all the apple blossoms and tulips were in bloom. As I pulled up to the park a lot of memories came flooding back to me but not a lot of inspiration. I played soccer on those soccer fields many years ago and I watched fireworks throughout the park too. I could see myself clearly in those memories however I couldn't envision the portrait session I was about to photograph. The visions and thoughts I had earlier went out the window as I continued to drive around the area hoping to find a flowering tree or beautiful spring flowers. There were lots of open fields, a few trees and a playground but no real flowers. I started to worry this was not the spring portrait session I was hoping for. I thought well maybe I can convince her to go somewhere else. I did find this little trail and one flowering tree tucked away maybe that could work, just maybe. I kept thinking well let's try it but I am not sure I will get enough for a full session so will probably have to finish the session somewhere else.

I started the session "getting warmed up" and catching up with Johanna. I couldn't believe how long it had been again. Johanna and I waited tables together long ago and become good friends. So many great times together! We lost touch like most people do during college, moves, and raising families. Through social media we reconnected. She contacted me a few years ago to take photos of her daughter. I love that I have a job that gives us all an excuse to get together and make it happen instead of not finding the time. This is now our third portrait session together although this time I made her promise that we would be getting together outside of portrait sessions. I am holding you to that Johanna! I always start my portrait sessions slow, especially with kids. I let the kids play and do their thing while I "get my lighting set" and talk to them and the parents. Often time these photos are my favorite. They think I am warming up and so they don't worry about me and let their personalities shine. Stella played with dandelions while her mom and I talked. I love the dandelion wand she created. Stella is such a sweet and creative girl.

Since it was a beautiful day we walked over to the path I had found. It was little bit of a hike but I am so glad we did decided to walk over. Stella continued to play with the dandelions on the walk, making wishes. She wrapped the blanket they had brought with around her as we walked. It was such a great childhood moment, I photographed while we walked.

And then she handed me a once seeded dandelion stem and told me as she blew the seeds, "I wish for you to have the best day of your life." What an amazing wish for someone! I thought about her wish all day and for days later too. All day no matter what happened I thought about that wish and how I was going to make today the best. It was amazing how one simple thought could really affect the whole day. I had a great day and a lot of it was because of that little girl and her wish for me. It might not have been the best day of my life but I had some of the best moments of my life that day! It's hard to ever claim you had the best day of your life of course the day you accomplish something big, get a reward or degree, your wedding day, the day you become a parent, or the day a new family member is born are all in contention for the best day of your life right? But it's impossible to pick just one. I believe we don't have a one best day but we have a series of best moments that add up together to make a wonderful life.  I had a lot of best moments that day: making memories with family, spending time with Stella and Johanna, enjoying the beautiful spring weather and finding an amazing spot for photos tucked away down a little trail at the corner of an otherwise fairly plain park.

Stella,  I feel like you grew up right before my eyes!  Thank you so much for your wonderful wish for me.  You are so sweet, kind, loving, funny, creative and smart. Please stay true to yourself always for you are amazing and have a great personality and outlook of life! And yes you are one of my favorite kids--well outside of my daughter and family as you pointed out but you are definitely on my favorites list!  I hope my daughter is a lot like you when she is older.  I will always think of that wish you made for me!  Thank you for showing me that every day can feel like the best if you wish it to be so and realize that all the tiny moments make it wonderful.

Johanna,  Thank you for spending a wonderful afternoon with me and for choosing me again to document a few moments in time of your daughter's life.  I love seeing you two interact and the strong mother daughter love and bond you two have.  You are such a great mom and you are raising an amazing daughter.  Happy Mother's Day! Hopefully see you in a couple weeks!

Jon, Mom, Stephanie, Amy, Auntie PeeWee,  Thank you for coming to my new favorite brunch place with me and for watching Annabelle while I worked.  I loved spending time with you all and Annabelle.  I had some of the best moments throughout the day!

To everyone else reading this, thank you for taking time to look at the images and read all of this long first post. They might be shorter in the future but for those of you who know me and my love of story telling you know that is a funny thought. This was not the spring portrait session I had envisioned it.  Some times in life you have to set aside expectations and be open to where the day (or path) may take you.  You might find that it is better than you imagined and some of the best moments of your life.

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